Thursday 2 June 2016

Naramata Nightmare Blues: Thursday, June 2nd!

If Galileo had said in verse that the world moved, the Inquisition might have let him alone. -Thomas Hardy, novelist and poet (2 Jun 1840-1928) 


Hi Patricio, I have to say you’ve outdone yourself with this last one! great account of the hike and an abundance of and quips, zingers to keep one entertained!.  Fantastic pictures as well!!. Very enjoyable read and so glad to see you having such great times up there and grabbing and squeezing the life out of life!
 

Not a lot of time to write much at this sitting but just wanted to pass along a thanks also for including us in your wonderful anniversary celebration. So great to be able to spend time with you both and all your close friends too. love you both and really look forward to getting together again soon. Take care, Molly / Stanch
Hello Man of La Mancha! Glad you enjoyed account of last hike. Must say that I never dreamed that I'd be so involved in such an activity and certainly not that it would also provide an introduction into the community in the way that has evolved. Had a wonderful ride on Tuesday, on the KVR, south to Oliver. Might very well be something you and I could do with Marilyn and Lady Dar, ending up wine-tasting along Black Sage Road. Route is slightly downhill, going south, paved all the way to about 2 km past Oliver and then a hard-pack but fine for mountain bike-like tires. I could take my road bike and accompany you to Oliver section and then return for car to meet you at a given winery. Anyway, we can work out details, depending on everyone's preference but just wanted to alert you to one of the possible activities.

Must away as I have to get ready for this morning's hike. First early start, (8:00 am), of the summer, to escape worst heat of the day. Off to the hills above Naramatia. Fondestos and Cheers, Patrizzio!

 
Good morning the place looks great, love the yellow chairs against the dark fence!! xoxo Buongiorno, Fashion Consultant! Do you have a web page? Fondestos from Nana, still abed! Love, Dad! 

Hi Patrick, Have a very nice trip. You will miss quite a hot beginning of, probably, very hot summer. I hope we will manage to get a few players together for a game, or two. Meantime all the best, and see you in July.
I will be missing your so interesting journals/reports :-). Cheers, Mike
Hi Michaelo! Thanks for best wishes. Don't worry, I'll probably still "bombard" you with accounts of my cycling in Manitoba. need to increase my distances while there as I'm entered in the GranFondo, (160 km), on July 10th!  Cheers, Patrizzio!

Okanagan Mountain Wilderness Survival Hike!

Hello Fellow Survivors! I have launched, with the pro bono help of two Naramatian lawyers, a class action suit, naming Tyrannosaurus Tinka as the defendant, on many counts, some of which are dereliction of duty, lack of care and concern for all concerned and, most importantly, refusal to share the profits from the return of aluminum beer cans found while hiking. I don't expect to settle out of court and will certainly keep you apprised of any and all legal developments. Until then, I would still like to thank Accused Al for allowing us to be part of his nightmare hike come true! Cheers, Petrified Patrizzio!

Descent into Hades, Field Report from OMPP, June 2nd, Exhibit A!

Didn't need to get up until just after 7:00 am as the hike wasn't starting until 9:00 am. This being the case I lazed around, enjoying my java and answering a few messages before suiting up. Drove to rendezvous point, HH, to find many of the gang already there. Both groups, Uppity Elite and Zephyrs Dolce, were heading to Naramatia to hike out of Okanagan Mountain Provincial Park. Since route would take us right past Burns I asked Big Bad Al if he would mind collecting me on Eckhardt so that I could leave our car at home. This would allow Lady Dar to run the errands she wanted to run earlier. He was quick to agree and waved me away. 

I sped home and after leaving keys inside, I walked up to Eckhardt to wait but a few minutes for my chauffeur to arrive. Poor Vittoria was squashed in the back so I apologized for her discomfort but made no move to change places! Very pleasant ride along Naramata Road and within twenty minutes or so, we were climbing road towards to Chute Lake. Two cars of Hard Core trekkers had passed me on Eckhardt, honking imperiously, as they sped by, so I knew they were somewhere ahead of us. Our Fearless Non-Leader didn't know where they were planning to park so we did a bit of a reconnoitre, past the road leading to Okanagan Mountain Provincial Park, settling on one above the road leading to a private ranch, the first foray Al attempted.

Once we'd parked in the small clearing, just off the road to Chute Lake, and assembled our gear, [Aluminum Al scoured the ground for beer cans while some strapped on gators and/or backpacks.], we set off along the narrow continuation of the side ride. Didn't take long until it ended and we were faced with a bit of bush-whacking until we reached a fairly large, full stream. The Chief Creative Blunderer went ahead to scope a possible crossing point while we waited and entertained the local mosquitoes! A few minutes later, Trail Guide Tinka returned with bad news: simply not possible to cross the stream, hereabouts, easily and, perhaps, safely. This being so it was decided that we should return to the road leading to OMPP and start over.

Much muttering and grizzling about the lack of preparation and local knowledge from many of the party, (Not me, of course, Dear Reader, as I'm sure you would know.], and we started back towards the vehicles. Almost as soon as we began to backtrack, Tiny let out a whoop and we were shown his amazing discovery: an incredible grouping of Lady's slipper, the first any/many of us had seen this year. Well worth the false start, indeed. And these jewels were not the only wildflower gems there, wild rose and a a tall variety of Common Paint Brush, we thought, as well as another stunning beauty whose name escapes me. More than satisfied, we piled back into the cars, (I rode in the back of the Tinkamobile, along with the baggage!), as we made our way along the quite bumpy and pot-holed road leading to OMPP. At times the rutted track is perilously close to a very steep drop-off so I clung on for dear life as Untamed Tinka swerved back and forth, slewing across the narrow trail, trying his best to catapult me out of the truck's bed.

Unhappy that I was still aboard when he screeched to a halt in the small lot at the end of the road, he let down the tail-gate to make it more difficult for me to reach the ground. The gate covered a small step and thus I had to hop from a  greater height than I would have liked. Little did I know, Dear Reader, that this would soon be the very least of my many worries! No sign of Junior Jack's Jumping Beans so we set off, across a small, well-constructed, wooden bridge, over the same coursing stream that had blocked our progress earlier. At this point we followed a very well-trodden path, part of the Provincial Park posted  trail system. No a whisper of wind so air was alive with bird-song and Von Bingen's voice! A number of stops to admire yet more wildflowers and then a few, slight, short grades and we reached the top of a hill which gave us our first uninterrupted, magnificent view of Okanagan Lake, across from Summerland and all the way to Apex beyond.

We laid a bouquet of purloined wildflowers on the Aarturo Dronkers Memorial Bench, [Paid for, entirely, by Pepsodent!], meekly submitted to Kranky Karsh when he insisted upon an official portrait, and then were led, like lambs to the slaughter, along a well-nigh impassable, steep, steep cliff face, pick-up stick crossed with charred dead-fall, into the quagmire of the valley floor below where yet more unbelievable obstacles lay in wait. In the main these consisted of giant, fallen trees, heaped, willy-nilly, any which way we turned. By this time Valiant Vittoria and I were left to fend for ourselves, even Tiny Tim preferring to tiptoe over the trunks without even a backward glance at his struggling companions. No sign of Absent Al as we crawled on our bellies like reptiles, under logs, slip sliding on mud and moss, into face-whipping thickets and through jumble after jumble of ankle-grabbing, leg-breaking, fallen, ferociously forked branches.  

Somehow, supporting one another whenever we could, we managed to survive The Slough of Despond to join our grinning cohorts, chortling uproariously at our more than difficult progress but offering nothing but sarcasm as balm for our wounds, salt for the rips to our limbs, gall to our battered emotions.  They had had plenty of time to enjoy a leisurely, traditional tea break as we floundered and fell, time and time again, yet they refused to give us but a moment to regain our composure and gather our shattered nerves before the forced march continued. Since we were closer to the edge of the quagmire by this time, the going was far easier and we were soon at the base of another steep hill. Already exhausted by the earlier ordeal, we struggled upwards, placing one foot in front of the other, in a seemingly endless cycle, repeating, over and over, unrepeatable imprecations, as our lungs laboured to feed our oxygen starved, screaming leg muscles.

Yet again, after light years it seemed, we were the last to reach the so-called picnic spot. No picnic, I can tell you, Dear Reader, as we barely had time to wolf our sodden fare before the order to break camp was barked, with more than malicious glee I noted, and we set off to scale the last hilltop, one more harsh hurdle before the Ornery Orchardist had had his fill of blood-letting. More boulder strewn/log-jam terrain but we persevered, preserving at least a shred of our dignity to stumble to the crest of the mountain top, congratulating each other, though still dizzy from the extended exertion. Not for long did our euphoria last as a moment later we spied Eagle Al, atop a large boulder, overlooking the ravine into which we had yet to descend, scanning the terrain below to discern the most difficult route to take! With his expert eye, it didn't take long and we were off, once again, soon to free fall, without benefit of even a safety chute!

Bad enough, under the best of circumstances, but quite quickly we, (Venomous Vikki, Mad-as-a-Hatter Marian, and Apoplectic Patrizzio), were left far behind to find our own, sickening way down the untraversable rock-face and through impenetrable underbrush, a cheery whistle, once in awhile, our only guide or succour. Still, we stuck together, lending a shoulder, holding back a nasty branch, suggesting an easier, passable route and finally made it through the treacherous tangle to find Abominable Al below, rather disappointed to see that we had survived his harrowing, trackless test of mettle. Quite unconcerned, Turncoat Tiny and Jolly Josinta were squealing with delight, rocking each other on a natural teeter-tooter, completely oblivious and uncaring about the natural gauntlet we'd just survived. So much for so-called friends!

At any rate, the descent was far from over and although much less steep, the footing was still reasonably treacherous with many small branches underfoot to snag one's foot upon. I was just congratulating myself on my increasing confidence and my developing ability to pick the route of least resistance when I stumbled and fell. Fortunately, for me, the aforementioned, criss-crossed, fallen branches, acted as a welcome cushion and I really didn't hurt anything, other than my backwoods pride! Tiny Tim immediately came to my aid, guilty as he was for his earlier neglect, I suspect, as I had come to rest with my feet above my head and getting back up was quite a chore. He gripped his hiking poles together and when I grabbed them he levered me aloft. 

When I fell, the contents of one of vest's pockets spilled out and a few coins, a house key and my money clip were strewn on the forest floor. Vittoria, behind me at the time, was most helpful in helping to collect these items, although I must note that I am still missing the $1000 US note I had in my clip! In fact, I was most distressed about my car keys, believing they were missing as well. Wild thoughts of how I'd need to replace them if we couldn't locate them amidst all the forest flotsam and jetsam, and all the fuss and bother this would entail, raced through my addled mind and when Tiny offered that I'd left them at home I thought that he was just trying to be funny. Then I realized he knew what he was talking about as he had remembered I'd left my car at home! All's well that ends well and we were soon off again, even Abominable Al far more solicitous than he'd ever been, watching carefully as Vittorina and I made our way down the last slope to rejoin the assembled crew, waiting by the picnic table, across the bridge from the parking lot.

Took a few snaps before we were grouped on the bridge to allow Ansel Al to take a few snaps of the survivors, our heads between or above the bridge's railings, he having clambered down the stream bank to the gain a better perspective for his shots. Tired but triumphant we clambered back into the vehicles and made our way back to Naramata Road. Stopping just before Robinson, we made contact with Junior Jack and agreed to meet at Café Nevermatters in Naramata Village. After we ordered our drinks we repaired to the outdoor patio to debrief. Session turned into a court martial although Tyrant Tinka refused to acknowledge any of the serious charges brought against him by his still distraught, former amigos. It was only after Deranged Dave arrived, unhinged when he realized the terror and torture his darling had been exposed to, did Big Bad Al realize the error of his sadistic stratagems and vowed, albeit grudgingly, to mend his ways. 

On second thought, don't relinquish your Non-Leaderlessness, Absent Al, as I plan to sign Lady Dar up for one of your next hikes, after I increase her life insurance, of course. Thanks for the new revenue stream, Big Bad Al! Cheers, Dinero Dunn!  Map and Stats for hike:

https://connect.garmin.com/modern/activity/1195693903#.V1C8B5bzir0.email

Great report Patrick! Felt like I was there😊 Good Morning Lawyer from Naramatia! Glad you enjoyed the virtual hike! How is the class action lawsuit coming along? We are off to the FM shortly. Are you going? Could be warm. Cheers, Patrizzio! Patrick, I am about to set sail for the FM. I am in search of strawberries and asparagus, along with the rest of the droves😊 Pam Ahoy Mon Capitaine! I have just learned that we are off to Red Wing first to scope out giant garage sales at the two developments, both sides of 97, on way to Summerlandia. Then it's back to FM. Don't buy all the berries! Cheers, Patrizzio!You always bring a smile on my face Patrizzio, nice memories of a memorable hike. Jos Thank you Patrick, I enjoyed your report and the wonderful pics,  hope you are doing better. Vicky


Next Monday Al is going to lead us from Meadow Valley to Cartwright Mt to look for a pond/lake. Jack senior is also interested in this pond (seen many times on the map but never found) so he may co-lead. So we will be leaving IGA parking lot at 9am and Pentictonites can carpool at 8:40. I won't be joining you (I'll be away) so please don't email me... If you have any questions email Al. Should be an easy hike. Pam

Hi Spumoni! Thank you for bringing my hat! Much appreciated. Will miss you on Monday and until we return from Winnipeg. Take care of yourself. Keep the bridge game going! Thanks for info on Monday's outing. Very much looking forward to it. Thanks and Cheers, Patrizzio!
Great to hear that you are back into bridge again. I hope the guys are as fun as us🙄 Hi Robert! Gang are wonderful BUT they don't drink nearly enough! Cheers, Patrizzio!

Pat, Thanks for the update. Bon voyage😊 Pam Hello Naramatia! I gather you received the info on Monday's outing. Very much looking forward to it. Hope you'll be there. Cheers, Patrizzio! Hi Patrick, After asking about Monday hike I set up a meeting with our house designer for this Monday am. Need to get moving on our house plans so we are snug in our home before the snow flies.

Corinne appears to be doing a thorough job. She is using two different size brushes😊 Pam
Josinta The Knife! Patrizzio, I am actually regaining my confidence now that you're not around to piss on me! My left leg is getting better slowly, the verdict is a flare-up of my pinched nerve. No idea why. The human body is a miraculous thing. Thanks for your sympathy! Interesting though, now that I don't hike for a while, my days are filled with Rotary meetings and drinking coffee with friends .... gaining weight. Aart

The grays would be honoured to have you come and stay next week. I'm on holidays so that works out really well. Let us know approx. time. We will be home so the goldilocks project shouldn't need to be put into play. Drive safe. Look forward to seeing you both. Love Judy 


He sent a note saying he hasn't given up on us Lol! I may not be so sure...

looks like just you and me unless ken comes. I'll be there 10am at Township 7 unless you not coming bye GillHi Jack Rabbit Slims! Missed you and Mr, Mr  Phelgmaticos on today's hike. Wonderful, but demanding outing. At least for me. I'll see you at 10:00 am at Township 7. Very much looking forward to it. Thanks and Cheers, Patrizzio!Pic: Lady Dar hard at work!

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